Going on holiday

Tomorrow! The night before always makes me a bit sad as it reminds me of how much I do actually love my life and all in it, and how it's all rushing on and on and on and on. So much to loose and of course inevitably one must. But that's also the premise of Buddhist practice so although it is melancholic it's also useful. Beauty of the fleeting rainbow and all that.

Happier news - first surprise period today for months and months and months. Bad timing but am topped up with pain killers and mattress sized towels to take away so should cope. Good point is a complete lack of pms symptoms, oh hoorah, hoorah hoorah for the coil. Did have a niggling suspicion that i may be feeling slight hormonal a couple of times in the last 2 weeks, but then M has been awake about 4 times a night with his teeth - and I have coped and not been hugely shrieky. Hoorah indeed. Have also eaten my own body weight in chocolate daily for the last week, but well that's been fun, although one with a moving target.... The main deal though, the one about being nice/reasonable/involved with the kids due to hormonal balance seems to be becoming true which is just wonderful.

Am seriously considering a list of thank-you's to write.

1. Should be mum and dad here really, but blah blah emotional stuff. Maybe they should be here regardless.

2. The Lama.

3. Ian (after this not necessarily in any particular order)

4. Terry Pratchett - his books made me feel human and interested even at my most ill points and amused, inspired and totally in fan when well.

5. The MW's and surgical teams who did both my c-sections. Especially the 1st lot, who bumped me up the list as they could see how completely desperate I was and also how much D was. Perhaps not usual to be grateful for c-sections but reading up on the after effects of chorioamniotis that I had with D, and then realising I had another infection with M, and that he was in meconium liquor (thin so not that worrying, although he was grunting after being born) - just glad.

6. Can't write to this one but it's related - my breasts for feeding my children. They did not have the best start, but the breasts have done good! I have said thank you many times and been trained by one woman who offered my support shortly after D was born. Her words were, "You're doing everything just fine, you just have to wait for Deborah to get it". Sometime's it's still like that, and I admire Deborah for for her independent spirit.

7. The children for being who they are and allowing me to be very much a mummy in training.

8. Dr Epley who invented the Epley manourvre, thus helping me reduce my vertigo symptoms, wonderful.

9. The person(s) who invented the Coil - my life has been given back. Severe PMS (I suspect it may well be PMDD, but never been diagnosed) has been - well you may have gathered by now :)

10. All the auothors of the great attachment parenting books I've read, that have allowed me to change my views on parenting and realise that love really is ok to share with your children! Also, that I am competent parent for wishing to share that.

11. So many lovely friends, some very inspiring mums.

Feel lighter now. Night night.